"Some people only dream of angels; we held one in our arms."

Below you will find Austin's story in multiple parts in order to tell the full story of my pregnancy, his birth, funeral and the months following.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

What a Day!

Today began as any other Saturday: lay in bed with the girls and Aaron, drag myself out of bed to go work out for an hour, and then meet at Starbucks for weekend drinks and breakfast. All was going well with each of these things, until I decided to run by the hair place to see if I could make an appointment. I should have just looked the number up because as I pulled up to the curb to quickly run in the store, I accidentally swiped the Mercedes behind me. Yes, of course, had to be a Mercedes. The funny thing is that I didn't even realize it until I hear a loud rapping on my door before I could even open it. I open the door, and the man is yelling furiously at me that I hit his car and I was trying to flee the scene. Ok, buddy, I am about fifteen feet still in front of your car, stopped, of course I wasn't going to get very far. We did the typical change information, and I just thought "oh well, bad luck..."

I go home, shower and get ready for my hair appointment. I come back to the same location where the previous incident occurred, and as I was parking the car this time, I completely misjudged and hit the car to the right of the me. "Are you freaking kidding me?" What the hell was wrong with me. The second time in one day, really, this is not really happening. I go inside the nail place (I frequent that location often too), and I ask if any of the women drive that particular car. Of course, one of them does, and yet again, it is the exchange of the insurance information. Thankfully, my attitude remains the same, "Oh well, bad luck."

When I went into the hair salon, the woman who cut my hair couldn't beleive what had happened, and she asked, "Do you have a lot on your mind or something?" Oh geez, did she really want to ask that question... I should just refer her to this site to understand what "a lot on my mind means." Anyway, I explained to her that my hair will not stop falling out, and she asked if I had a pregnancy, and I said yes. She said that it is normal, and I said still seven months out, and she said, yes, usually until about ten months. UGH! So then when she asks how is the baby, she inevitably knows that I have a lot on my mind.

You see, the little things that happened earlier (minor car accidents) are probably the result of just that: too much on my mind. Because you see, no matter what I am constantly reminded of Austin and the events that took place this year. Take my hair for instance, the constant falling out of my hair is an everyday occurance, which as a normal post-pregnancy event wouldn't usually bother me. Now, it annoys me even more because I am still losing the hair, and my body still goes on and my hormones are all still there post-baby, yet it is all magnifed that much more becuase there is no baby.

So... the constant clutter on my mind is always there; does it ease at times, of course, but lately the "clutter" or "Austin" has been on there non-stop! It isn't always a bad thing, but I can tell you it does add a lot of stress to my every day life.

So to avoid adding any more stress, I will make sure my husband drives tonight, and I will enjoy the date night that is defintiely needed after the craziness of today!


  1. Oh my heavens! 2 in one day???? Yes, its a good idea o make hubby drive tonight-lol. I hope you have fun tonight - you deserve a night out.

  2. I remember handfuls of hair falling out after I got home from the hospital. I was so angry that my body was going through all the post pregnancy symptoms, but my babies were not home with me.

    I hope you had a nice date night. xx

  3. I hope you saturday ended better than it started and i hope your sunday was nice as well.